One day we met someone, we fell in love and, eventually, he or she became our partner. With the passage of time, the idyll vanished and now we face a real person and full of defects, like us. The fights increase and the situation threatens to become unsustainable. Is love over? It will be time to see the elephant, take it out of the room, serve a tea and present an eviction notice.
Sexologist Mauricio Strugo explains that human ties are diverse because they are made up of people with different stories and different ways of being and being in a couple. According to the specialist, the problem arises when thinking, from the outside, what he responds to and what constitutes “a normal couple”. “Each person in each link has to pay attention from their experience and their feeling to check how are we with the other. See if our partner is meeting our expectations, if it is necessary to make any adjustments, or end the relationship if this causes us suffering, ”explains Strugo.
The phrase “Every couple is a world” It no longer seems such a common place and although each situation is specific, professionals agree that it is very likely that any couple that starts with problems, discussions and excessive disagreements Don’t have a good forecast. On the other hand, a couple that can flow in communicating their differences and complementing each other as partners will constitute a basis to face the difficulties that arise.
When Cupid leaves
“It is necessary to know that the initial ‘crush’ will make us idealize to the other, and for the expectation of wanting to be a couple we see it with very little objectivity. When time passes and we find what we do not like about our partner, it is time to weigh the good and the bad to see if we go to the next level of the link, which is love’, where we choose the other really, without being obnubilar. In young couples, the ‘Falling in love’ it occurs with more intensity, but as we grow in age and experience it usually lasts less time and is not as intense, ”says Strugo.
According to the link specialist psychologist Sebastian GironaWhen we meet someone, in general we try to show our best face in order to please the other. That is natural, but the risk is to show a face that is not real or very forced. Therefore, of course, it is best to be authentic and that they choose us from who we really are.
Strugo, also a link specialist, adds that wanting it to work we do our best to show what the other wants to see, and not who we really are. “We speculate and seduce, but sometimes we overdo it. Don’t we want the other to know us? The idea is to choose us for real or to buy something that is not real? ”, He says.
4 indicators that a couple does not work
According to Girona, these symptoms begin slowly and worsen with the passage of time and inaction. The earlier they are addressed, the more likely to remedy the situation.
The four warning signs to consider are:
1. Problems that not everyone has
We begin to be aware that our partner has serious problems that are sustained over time and are getting worse.
2. “What am I going to talk about if nothing changes?”
One or both begin to stop talking. The dialogue begins to be lost as a tool to solve the relationship problems.
3. Each one by his side
They do too many things alone, each by their side. Although in a couple you don’t have to do everything together, in relationships with problems this happens too much.
4. Feel lonely despite being together
We can sleep every night with a person in the same bed and feel them miles away.
According to the lawyer, the prognosis of a couple will depend on the ability of members to renegotiate the relationship contract. “All couples have an implicit contract that is signed at the beginning, but over time each one needs different things and the link has to be reinvented several times throughout its history. If the couple has that ability, the prognosis is good, ”he explains.
But if there is no more to do …
“If we arrive with our partners at a insurmountable crisis very surely it will be because we deny or did not know how to see the symptoms that anticipated the bond was getting sick before dying. We all have to check our conditions out of the romantic myth of unconditionality. Just as we update the operating systems because every so often they need some improvements, the same happens with the couple and their conditions, it is necessary to talk about what we need to choose ourselves, ”explains Strugo.
Girona, for its part, recommends trying seek a “civilized” separation, especially, if they have children in common, because the couple will continue to be parents even though the relationship has ended: “Power reach agreement it will depend on the capacity of acceptance that each one has, a situation that is not always the same nor lasts the same times since it is a psychological process that each person carries out how he can ”.
Strugo concludes: “To follow by obligation will damage the affection That remains if we accept that we do not want to share more. Close something that is not going anymore it requires a lot of courage: is to accept the frustration that we couldn’t. After the anger the acceptance will appear and, along with it, the sadness, which will eventually keep us with what the relationship left us as learning, in addition to being able to look at our mistakes and improve for us and our next attempt. ”
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