The arrival of a little brother home It is the end of an exciting wait for the whole family. After months of preparing for the event, the parents feel happy to see the family grow and the children are infected with their joy. The first days are of adjustments for all and will have to adapt the old routines to the needs of the newborn.
After the initial emotion it is natural for children to demonstrate some of cthose that can manifest in worse behavior and mood swings, depending on each child’s age, temperament and the way they behaved before. It will also depend on whether or not it is the first little brother. Parents would like to prevent the problems that jealousy brings, but it is normal for them to occur and although they cannot avoid them, they can do their part to alleviate them and lay the foundations for a healthy coexistence between the brothers.
First of all parents should try to see the issue from the perspective of the children. After the initial joy, it is very possible that the little ones will disappoint what it is to have a newborn at home, who neither speaks to them, nor plays with them, nor even smiles at them. Now that the baby is at home the children also begin to see without much pleasure the amount of attention you need and of course it is not easy for them to suddenly share the parents’ attention and affection. Those two reasons are enough to occasionally get “bad” with the new brother.
It is also important that parents Talk to your children about the topic and be understanding With your feelings Instead of scolding or wanting to force them to be good brothers, parents should ask and listen to what their children have to say about it, understand how they feel, and as much as possible, Help them find ways to remedy it. Keep in mind that children do not necessarily know what happens to them or understand what it is to be sad or angry.
Sometimes parents can’t do much to make a child happy but they can always show your love listening to your problems without criticizing, or judging, or minimizing them. If children, in addition to being sad, behave badly, parents should do the same thing they have always done about it, but never get angry or be hard because they are jealous. When the parents are patients and compressors, Children will feel more loved and have less reason to be jealous.
In the stage of adaptation to the new brother it is key that the parents are especially respectful and delicate when talking to your children. Each time a parent addresses a child, even if only by making a simple comment, he lets see something of how he feels and what he thinks of his son. Even the most insignificant comments sometimes have a big impact on children. Therefore it is important to analyze the way we express ourselves with the little ones. Imagine two typical scenarios in the case of a child and his only little brother:
Suppose the eldest son is angry because his parents ignore him and hide the bear from the little brother
It is possible for the father to react angrily and say something like: “Son, you are a jealous; and that you know that if you don’t want it now, when he grows up he will take your toys away. ” In speaking like this, the father has described the child as “envious,” which is going to be recorded and, in addition, he is announcing that his brother can also be mean to him. These two messages are very hard for a child And they were totally unnecessary. This way of expressing yourself to a child is not only not going to help alleviate jealousy, but it is also very inefficient because there is not much really that the child can do to fix what he has done wrong. It’s like a final sentence: The child cannot do anything about it except protest, but was insulted and threatened. The child is probably now more angry than before and also has a reputation for envy to cultivate.
There are more delicate and effective ways to scold the child is the same case, for example: “Son, I don’t think it’s good that you hide the toy from your little brother, return it right now, please”. This way of speaking to the child focuses on a simple action such as “return the toy.” The father simply says that he does not approve what he has done and gives him a opportunity to fix it but without offending the son, or getting bad ideas about the brother. The father has declared the child the owner of his acts and therefore it is the child who has to do the right thing and return the toy. In the event that he does not return it, the father has reason to act as he always does when he is ignored. In this way of expressing oneself, jealousy has been left in the background.
Suppose the son asks his father for help when he is bathing the baby
A typical response from a father is: “I can not go with you because I’m bathing baby ”. By expressing yourself like this you are denying help input and it is Putting the baby as an excuse. In general, parents have too much party with respect to the baby and name him all day in the presence of the other children and, although they do it without realizing it, this can create resentment in siblings.
A more delicate way to express the same idea would be: “Of course I’m going to help you; I need 15 minutes to finish what I am doing and I am with you ”. Here the father does not deny help to the son, he only asks wait a bit more Important still does not put the baby as an excuse. The baby is in this way of expressing himself out of the play which does not cause.
When the parents are Respectful and delicate when addressing your children, Not only is communication much more effective, but children have a good model how they should talk to their parents.
To avoid sowing seeds of jealousy among siblings parents should also be especially respectful when talking about their children. It is sad to hear a father speak badly about children or compare them since they are young. But the reality is that, without realizing it, parents do it very frequently. A father could avoid unnecessary and irrelevant comments of this type: “This baby is seen to be very nice, the older one has always been more serious.” The opinion of a father affects the self-concept that a child is becoming and, in addition, the child deduces that his father thinks that the baby is “more sympathetic”, which will not calm jealousy. The father could have expressed the same idea in another way, such as: “My little son smiles all day.” This comment is a simple observation to a reality and for that No need to compare anyone. When parents strive to talk not so much about children but about their actions, skills and behaviors, labels are avoided and there is a lower risk of hurting feelings. It may even be that the older child, hearing that the little one smiles a lot, decides to smile to please his parents. The reality is that you have to be careful because The way parents express themselves has a great impact on children.
To promote a good relationship between siblings parents can try to involve children in the daily activities of the youngest, like the bathroom, the food, or the time to change it. Parents can involve the elders by asking them to help them or accompany them to get used to the new brother and take care of him. If the child is not interested, it is better give him his space and not force him, but at least you will not feel excluded or isolated.
With the arrival of a new brother, The biggest fear of older children is losing the love of their parents and that’s where jealousy comes from. The key is for parents to prove to their children that they love them all equally and that this fear is unfounded. The way in which parents handle jealousy towards the new brother is key to helping the relationship between siblings begin on the right foot.
The entrance Learn to manage jealousy between brothers since they are little appears first in Toads and Princesses.