Patchwork families are one these days Family formthat no longer appears so rarely. But especially when a partnership is still relatively new, a rejecting child can have a devastating effect on the relationship. Since children react very unpredictably in this particular situation, it is all the more important to help them in this phase. Then it might also work with mutual acceptance.
New friend – child reacts negatively
Do you have the case “child doesn’t like new boyfriend”? – The cause of such behavior can be of different nature. This includes, for example:
- You are skeptical: Many children believe that they will lose their mother to their new partner because she now spends a lot of time with them. Perhaps there is also a situation where the child is not given the necessary attention that he would have liked at this point. You have no idea how strong the influence of the stranger is on the parent and then actually react completely logically: you reject the new partner.
- You don’t trust: How much children suffer from the separation of their parents is still underestimated by many. Most of them want their parents to get back together at some point. That is why they classify the new partner as competition and may do everything in their power to eliminate them. Many children even go so far as to accuse the parent of betraying their biological father by entering into a new relationship.
- You have had bad experiences: Sometimes it happens that there was a friend before the current partner who may have done a lot of damage. In such a case, the child rejects the new partner because he is afraid that his mother could be disappointed and hurt again.
- They are jealous: If one parent lives alone with the child for a longer period of time, a solid structure is created. Children are reluctant to give this up. Instead, they see the new partner as a real intruder who wants to destroy this structure. So they react jealously.
It doesn’t matter why a child does not accept the new partner – this condition always poses a danger to the relationship if handled incorrectly. In order to turn it into a benevolent blended family, one thing is needed first: time.
Stability as a cornerstone
It is actually completely normal for children to be unsure of a new partner at first. For them, the new one is a complete stranger. However, parents should not directly interpret this feeling as pure rejection that will drag on for years from now on. But depending on how much stability and security you convey to the child in such a situation, the more likely it is to get used to the idea that the stranger can become an integral part of their everyday life over time.
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There is no magic bullet for clearing up this situation, but you can stick to certain guidelines on how to best deal with the child’s uncertainty: Talk to your child and make it clear that you understand their way of thinking. Reassure him that he doesn’t have to be afraid of losing you to the new partner and that you care. This often makes it easier for children to accept the new person at their parent’s side.
In some cases, it also helps to show the child his unwavering love right in front of the new partner. Because then it realizes that the presence of the new does not sign it off.
This point is even more important when you realize that Child develops mental disorders due to the separation of the parents. Some of them go back to bed, others become aggressive, but at times also behave quite normally. In this position, it is important that parents maintain composure and show understanding. If the child realizes that you are still paying them the usual attention and taking their fears seriously, they will certainly be able to cope better with the new circumstances.
Joint coordination with the new partner
Of course, the new partner should also be involved in the project. Agree with him on what habits your child has had so far, how you handle things in your upbringing and find common rules. In this way, you effectively prevent that you do not get in each other’s way on a parenting issue and that the child can take advantage of this.
However, the new partner can also act on the child’s rejection by trying to engage with him. He assures him that he does not want to take his mother away from him and that he is not a threat. It may even help if the new friend talks to the child about the biological father. This gives him the necessary security when it comes to the question of whether the new one is simply a replacement.
When and how to educate the child?
According to psychologists, you shouldn’t wait too long to introduce your child and new partner to each other. If you are freshly in love, you shouldn’t rush anything. A three-person meeting only makes sense when the relationship is a bit more solid.
It is also a good idea to do something together for the meeting that will appeal to the child above all. Because this gives them the impression that the new part in the family can warm up to their interests. Many children find it much easier to get along with their new partner when they see that they are on the same wavelength.
In some cases it is even the case that children develop a relationship with someone stranger if they come by more often – just as a friend. Some of them then accept it much more easily when it suddenly means that it is the new life partner.