Giving attention to your partner and showing real interest in your life is of paramount importance for a happy marriage or dating. Many problems in the relationship are caused by past unresolved disagreements or failures in communication between the two. So, get together with your loved one and do this listening exercise to resolve current issues or those that may arise over time: First, each of you chooses an expectation that you have in relation to life. Then describe your feelings and ask your partner to do the same. Each will listen to the other, and they must respond by showing attention and empathy. Then, talk about the frustrations you currently experience. Use the listening tools listed below during the conversation. Subsequently, try to apply them on a daily basis to stay on track and avoid other problems in the relationship:
Experience how different alternatives make the listener feel
Instead of saying “but”, as in ‘I know you’re tired, but what do you think about going out to dinner?’. Try saying “e”: ‘I know you’re tired, and I wonder what you think about going out to dinner.’ Here’s why: Using the “but” negates whatever came before and sounds like a rejection. Replacing the “but” with the “e” indicates that you are adding, not subtracting, another idea.
Instead of immediately rejecting your partner’s ideas or feelings, try listening only
Video: Know the intelligence behind every word you type (Dailymotion)
Try to exchange something like ‘It is not true that we are not together. Last week we had lunch together! ‘ by ‘I’m listening. We never seem to have much time just for the two of us. What did you have in mind?’ Here’s why: Telling your spouse that he is wrong or shouldn’t think or feel that way interrupts communication. If you are really confused, ask a question – this makes the other person feel supported and provides you with more information.
Instead of changing the subject quickly, try to pay attention and be polite if you need to deviate from the subject briefly
“Are you upset that you weren’t chosen for the new project at work? Hey, did you see today’s newspaper? I need the classifieds. ”, For example, can be replaced by“ You must be feeling very frustrated – you are much more qualified than anyone else in your department, and you have been so dedicated! It really is to be upset. I want to talk more about it as soon as I find today’s newspaper – João will stop by in five minutes to get the classifieds. ” Here’s why: Ensuring that your spouse takes priority and that you value your feelings, even if you are doing something else, creates trust, respect and security. See too: Learning from fights is fundamental in a relationship