When a relationship lasts, the question of marriage often ends up being raised. In the show Without an appointment on Europe 1, Catherine Blanc, sexologist and psychiatrist, answers the question of a listener fearing that her refusal to marry will affect the relationship that she forms with her partner.
“After five years of relationship, my boyfriend would like to get married but not me. He is afraid that my refusal is a sign that I am not in love. What to do?”
Catherine Blanc’s response
The question of marriage raises that of commitment. From the moment a member of the couple engages on a subject, questions emerge about the love we have for each other. Attraction or distrust of marriage is the personal stories of the couple.
Why does this blockage exist in couples who already have a long history?
Some fear that once the marriage is over, a possible separation will be even more complicated. The mistake is to think that marriage is the only obstacle and that divorce is the only complex subject. In fact, once we spend a lot of time together, precious things are shared: goods, maybe children, groups of friends. Marriage or not, there will be much more important things to deal with than the divorce itself.
Is this rejection of marriage more common among men?
No, our position on marriage depends on our personal stories. Children of divorced couples may have felt more or less pain or nastiness when their parents separated. It is often said that men are more suspicious of marriage, that some are happy to escape the sentence of parenthood. But it’s usually our personal histories and our knowledge of the divorce that come into play. Some see marriage as an obligation when others are totally against it… even very much in love.
What attitude should we adopt when deciding not to get married?
We don’t have to get married. Some feel that by not being married, they have to take extra care of each other because they are not officially “each other’s thing”. We can have the feeling that we belong to each other when we get married: “You are mine and I am yours”. The fact that there is no marriage means that you always have to take care of the relationship. Some are happy not to be obliged to love themselves, but to demonstrate their love on a daily basis.